Thursday, Aug. 04, 2005 - 5:02 PM
I was actually excited about Kathy Griffin's new show that aired last night. She had an hour special called "Kathy Griffin is Not Nicole Kidman," which was to be followed by the premiere of her new Bravo series, "My Life on the D-List." I was stoked. I had the DVR all set and everything. Gonna record every episode of that bad boy, because Kathy Griffin is so damn funny.
Only now, I don't like her any more. *Click* goes my remote button, unsubscribing myself from her series.
Why? Because in that hour-long special, about 40 minutes was spent not only being unfunny, but being unfunny in a way that chaps my backside so much that I might never forgive her.
I always thought Kathy was awesome. I considered her style of comedy very similar to my own. I'm a bitchy faghag, I love telling long-winded stories loaded with tangents, and I hold big-ass grudges. Two peas in a pod.
But last night, I realized how mean she is. Really, really mean. And not in a funny way, about someone who's done anything to deserve being treated badly. It was about someone she claims to think is a great guy, extremely talented, and a lot of fun...who also just happens to be someone I care a lot about.
Now, the beginning of the show had her being unfunny and mean toward someone I'm not so attached to...namely, Ryan Seacrest. But the last 20 minutes...oh God, just make it all go away.
In short, she spent an unprecedented amount of time making this "joke": Clay Aiken is gay.
(regular readers of Ah'm Just Sayin' know very well how I feel about that brand of "humor"...the rest of you can visit a little something in the archive called "I Feel A Hate Crime Coming On")
I won't go into the details, because it's just too stupid. Let's just say there was a lot of unnecessarily bitchy things said about "Miss Gayken."
We're living in a world where people are scared to death that someday homosexuals might be allowed to marry. People talk a good game about how it's not nice to beat a gay man to death because they're "people" after all...but suggest that they have the same rights as the rest of us and suddenly the moral fabric of our society is unraveling. I live in a state where the last legislative session was filled with so much discussion about how gays shouldn't be foster parents that they forgot to talk about school finance. It ain't pretty, people.
No matter how many sitcoms have gay characters, no matter how often pop psychologists like Dr Phil (don't get me started!) talk about how it's not nice to be a bully, we live in a world where it's okay to laugh at someone BECAUSE they're gay. Not because they do something funny...not because the person talking about them made a really clever remark...but because "heh heh...that dude's gay."
This is the adult equivalent of circling the skinny kid in gym class and pointing at his glasses and uncool sneakers and calling him a fag. And everyone who goes along with it and laughs is just as guilty, in my never EVER to be humble opinion.
And it's worse when it's someone like Kathy Griffin, because she's working under the impression that she's a gay icon. (you're no Margaret Cho, honey)
Remember when Andrew Dice Clay used to be considered the crudest thing in the world...and yet he was filling stadiums and everyone was laughing? Anti-woman, anti-gay...but people loved him. I saw an interview once where he said he didn't get why he was so hated by people, because it was just a character and it was comedy. He was hiding behind the "it's just a joke, folks" excuse. I'm sure Kathy drapes her entire act in the same flag.
But look at that audience. (Dice's or Kathy's...doesn't matter) Do we know these people? Do we know why they think this is funny? Do we understand what's in their heads that makes "that dude's a fag" the funniest thing they've heard all day, something that's making them laugh so hard they can hardly breathe?
And I really used to love her. I assumed that she was telling the truth, embellished slightly for comic effect, in her act. When she talked about Whitney Houston telling her not to ever speak of her in her act again, with an "I'll cut you, bitch" tone...I just about busted a gut. But then, I wasn't there. I've never seen Whitney Houston interacting with Kathy Griffin.
But Kathy was talking about something I *did* know something about this time. She was talking about a public event, and the details she gave of that concert were complete crap. No reason for me to believe that Clay's dog was wearing a pink bow [a] because she's never worn a bow before in all the times that I've seen her, and [b] because everything else Kathy said was fabricated, so why would I believe that damning tidbit?
Oh, but Julie...it's not important, why worry about it? It's keeping his name in the papers. The fact that people want to hear stories about him means that he's popular and famous and that's a good thing.
Right. Except for something very important. Those people in that audience in the theater, as well as the people at home...they think she's telling the truth. They think that Angela Fisher is a fat woman in her 40s. They think Clay sang When Doves Cry like a big ol' snaps-up queen. They think Clay Aiken is the gayest gay in Gaytown. They're taking her word for it for the same reason that I thought Whitney Houston actually threatened her. They didn't know better.
And here's what upsets me more than anything...
If Kathy is such a big faghag, she should be more sensitive about that stuff. She should know very well the pain that homosexuals go through and how hard it is to not be accepted by so much of mainstream society. What it feels like to be laughed at simply for being gay, or even just a little different.
There are two possible scenarios here. One, Clay is straight and she knows it and she's just going for the easy laugh because she knows that people think that crap is funny. And the other...which really hurts me...is that he actually is gay and in the closet and she knows it and is willfully making the world a more hostile place into which he'll never ever be comfortable coming out.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I don't care if he is or if he isn't. To paraphrase a good friend of mine years ago, the only place Clay Aiken's sexuality matters is in my fantasy life, and in *my* brain, not only is he straight, but he's totally hot for me.
And as much as I hate to use one of Kathy's own lines, I wanna tell Clay, if he's listening, that it wouldn't hurt to be seen kissing a girl. You won't go to hell, honey, I promise...and I'm totally willing to take one for the team, ifyouknowwhatimean. And people would never jump to the conclusion that I was just a beard, because you would have chosen better. (okay, I'm kinda cute, but not trophy-date cute!)
Okay, I feel better getting all that out. If anyone sees Kathy, tell her I said it was fun while it lasted.
Oh, and before I forget, since I really want anyone Googling her to get this page in their search results, let me add Kathy Griffin, Kathy Griffin, Kathy Griffin, D-List, Not Nicole Kidman, Kathy Griffin, Kathy Griffin. Welcome fag-hating Kathy fans! Feel free to tell me to screw myself.
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