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Last 5 entries:
Perception and Perspective - Saturday, Oct. 04, 2008
Yes, He's Gay - Sunday, Sept. 28, 2008
The Little Bastard - Thursday, Jun. 05, 2008
Perez Hilton and his Merry Band of Miscreants - Monday, Oct. 08, 2007
Love the Man, Hate the Teeth - Thursday, Feb. 15, 2007

Sunday, Sept. 28, 2008 - 9:35 PM

A few things to say
On the subject of Clay
And the fact that he�s gay...
First off, HIP HIP HOORAY!

It�s no secret, I love gay men. Always have. They�re super cute and usually really nice to me.

And because I know them and understand them, it came as no shock to me when Clay came out. None. Didn�t faze me at all.

But everyone isn�t me.

What I see when I look at the fandom is, for the most part, very positive. The outpouring of love and acceptance for Clay Aiken is the kind of thing that needs to be seen by young men and women who have yet to be fully honest with their friends and families. It�s beautiful and I�m so happy and proud of be a part of it.

I knew, as Clay knew, that some fans would have a hard time with the revelation. And I hope that fans who are struggling might be sent here for some comfort and guidance.

First, I want to address the fans who think they cannot accept Clay because of their religious beliefs. I�m going to be honest with you�I can�t begin to comprehend that. I�m stubborn and have strong beliefs and convictions, but they have nothing to do with religion. And just as you might not be able to accept homosexuality, I can�t accept anti-gay feelings and rhetoric any more than I can accept a black man being denied a seat at a lunch counter.

Because of that, you probably wouldn�t accept me either, so I don�t think I can say anything that will change your mind. However, and please accept this suggestion in the spirit in which it is offered:

I'm very sorry that some of you feel that way. I truly am sad that the beliefs you hold so strongly are beliefs that will keep you away from someone who has always been such a happy, loving force in the world, who has brought smiles and hope to so many. I'm sure somewhere out there is a person who meets all of your criteria, and you will enjoy being their fan. But the rest of us have to follow our own paths.

If you absolutely cannot and will not accept Clay�s sexual orientation, please leave the message boards. I don�t have the right to kick anyone off a board, even my own. I believe in letting people say what they feel in their hearts. But fan boards are for fans. They are for people who love Clay. If you can�t be his fan any more, you have to go. Do not waste your energy trying to suggest that your way of viewing the world is the only way.

Remember when people would show up in the comments on online articles about Clay and say they hated him, and fans would rush to tell the �haters� to go away? Remember how we all wondered how anyone could spend so much time and energy talking about someone they didn�t like, rather than focusing on someone or something they loved? Don�t be one of those people. Go where you can be happy. Please. Dwelling in negativity isn�t good for your heart. I wish you the best of luck.

Next, I would like to address the people who are having trouble with the �lie�. He did lie. He did. He tried not to, but he did. The thing is, that�s what being �in the closet� is all about.

Look at this way�do you hide your sexual orientation? Is it socially acceptable to say to an acquaintance, �My boyfriend and I went to see a movie last night�? Do you have a picture of your family on your desk at work, where anyone could see your husband and children? If either of those things apply to you, then you don�t hide it.

I�m not saying you flaunt it. I�m not saying you give people a peek into your bedroom. I�m just saying that you make it known, in a subtle way, that you are heterosexual. Nobody but you and the man in your bed know about your sex life, what you�re into, what he�s into, whether or not you like the lights on or wear special underwear for special occasions�none of that. (Well, unless you�re really loud and your apartment walls are thin!)

Clay Aiken told the world he was gay, not because he thought it was everyone�s business, but because it was time to stop the relentless questioning. Didn�t we all feel pain when he�d get asked about his sexuality again and again? Didn�t we all see how uncomfortable and angry it made him? Didn�t we all want it to stop? Well, now it has. He�s become BORING again, which is just how he likes it. ;o)

Did he give us a peek into his bedroom? Nope. We don�t know anything about his sex life. His being gay doesn�t make the tabloid stories true�especially the ones that have been disproved or recanted. His being gay doesn�t even necessarily mean he�s ever had sex with a man! (I ain�t saying whether or not I think that�s true. My feelings are irrelevant, just as they were with those who thought Clay was a virgin all along!) And if he has, good for him�and I hope it was wonderful.

(Don�t like imagining him having sex with a man? Then don�t. Think about your parents having sex instead. That�s a nice heterosexual image we can all agree is kinda disgusting.)

Being gay isn�t about sex. It�s about love. It�s about feeling drawn to a person in an inexplicable way. It�s about the zzzzt! of meeting someone�s gaze and feeling tummy butterflies. It�s about connecting. It�s exactly like being straight, only with different lower parts.

The kinds of things Clay has said in the past about the partner he wants to marry (he said �woman� because that�s what he was asked) are the kinds of things he�s looking for. The kind of person he wants to spend the rest of his life with. The kind of person who will love him for him, and take care of him when he�s sick, and be just as proud of him as he is of them�what difference does it makes if the arms he falls into when he flops down on the couch are a woman�s or a man�s, as long as they�re arms of comfort, respect, and love? And if we love him, and I know we all do, don�t we want him to have those things?

If the timing of the announcement is an issue with you, let me remind you that Clay Aiken did not just come out to you personally. He came out to the WORLD. That includes members of his family he may not have been out to before, people in his hometown, his teachers, his classmates, etc. Up until this week he told people individually, one at a time, as most gay people do. But he's a public figure, so �coming out� means something slightly different. He had to come out to the most important individuals first, and then the rest of us. The fact that he has always shared so much with his fans, and we with each other, makes us feel like a family. And families have their ups and downs. For some right now, this is a down. And that's okay. Another up is coming before you know it!

It�s not about being happy that he�s gay. It�s about being happy that he�s Clay.

(I know, it sounds corny�but only because it RHYMES!)

I know that some of you are struggling with this. I know that, for some people, the news hit you harder than you realized it would, and that you�re suddenly dealing with thoughts you never dreamed you�d have. You might be realizing that you�re not quite sure just how �okay� you are with gay people. That�s okay.

The reason why you�re struggling and hurting is because YOU LOVE HIM. If he were anyone else, you could turn away and never look back, and it wouldn�t phase you. But you love him. You want him to be happy. You want him to find love. You want Clay to be exactly who he is�that dorky goofball who never takes himself too seriously, who hates refried beans, who can�t dress himself, who stubbornly wants to record the music he wants to record, no matter what�s popular on the radio right now�you want Clay to be Clay. And he has been. Only now you know one more detail about that. Nothing else has changed. Nothing.

I know in my heart that you, whoever you are, will come out the other end of this process of self-discovery a better, stronger person. I know it. And I sincerely hope that when you do, you�ll still be around. Clay needs good people in his corner. And so do we.

And now, for a clarification of my position on the matter�

(Come on. Y�all knew this was coming!)

As much as I love, respect, and accept gay people, they are not perfect. They are not super-human beings. They are flawed creatures just like the rest of us, and they make mistakes/errors/blunders from time to time.

Clay's sexual orientation does not, I repeat NOT, exempt him from criticism on matters concerning, but not limited to:

-- Hair color or style
-- Clothing chosen by him or others
-- Song choice and performance
-- Cosmetic procedures, including dental
-- Serious life decisions, such as the choice to make, rather than adopt, a child.

I reserve the right as a fan to continue to offer constructive criticism whenever I see fit, and to become angry whenever someone attempts to deny me that right.

You know why? Cuz I gotta be me!

Ah, acceptance of others who are different...it�s a wonderful thing.

Now...GROUP HUG!!!

Need more perspective? Keep reading.

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